Does it work out in the end to raise children and follow the radical teachings of Jesus? Well, I wrote my sister one day back in November of this last year with a near exhaustion in the back of my throat. My short note to her probably says it all:
So, I got three hours of sleep last night (for Santiago reasons)…I’m not sure I can keep this up!!! Work is really busy too. Any suggestions?
Love ya,
Jason
She can be very encouraging and I knew I would get a response. I didn’t know, however, that she would offer so much insight into her own journey with my niece and brother-in-law or that she would give such detailed and gentle recommendations for our situation. As I’ve thought through both the emotion and advice she gave us, I’ve been thinking that it might encourage others as well. So, if you’re in the same or similar situation (or if you’ve considered starting a family of your own), her words may ring true for you too:
Hi J,
Its rough being at the stage you guys are at…almost a year of no sleep. It really starts catching up with you and it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and that pieces of yourself are dying off (due to lack of sleep & trying to squeeze everything in that made you who you were before your baby was born as well as everything needed to take care of your baby).
About the only thing that Paul & I found that worked for us, was just to succumb to the tiredness & let that dictate, for awhile, what we chose to do or not do. It wasn’t easy because we had finally met some good friends in St Paul and we didn’t want to miss out. But surrender is sometimes a very good thing. And it doesn’t last forever…the stage that you guys are in with Santiago. He WILL sleep through the night consistently… eventually. You’re probably on the verge of that happening, but moving and being sick throws a wrench in that plan. Just in the same way that it takes us awhile to get used to new things, new routines, new places, etc, it takes babies a while too. And they often don’t get the luxury of getting accustomed to the idea ahead of time like we adults do. All that to say, it just may take some time for Santiago to normalize to your new place. You throw in the flu that you guys all had to endure & not only does that disrupt things for him even more, but it leaves you feeling extra exhausted…you’ve all been experiencing the perfect storm of conditions for no sleep.
My suggestion would be to take the next month before you leave for Peru & take it easy in any arena where you can (you know, outside of work, and taking care of Santiago, yourself & each other…which can be a challenge in & of itself). If you leave for Peru well rested, it will be a much easier transition for Santiago both going & coming. Maybe take a day in the next couple of weeks to spend together as a family and do things that all three of you can do. Remember those blocks you gave us for Isa’s birthday? We love them, because it gives us something we can all three do when Paul & I are tired and don’t have a lot of energy to give to Isa or “family time” and yet we don’t just want to plop her in front of the TV or send her to her room to play alone. Maybe there’s something you guys can find to do for an afternoon together that could be relaxing for everyone involved (for instance you could take a walk, cook a meal using food that you all like to foster the sense that each one in the family counts & matters, read some books, dance around the room, or play on the floor).
Another idea you might want to try, if you haven’t already, is to develop a nighttime routine. Basically, its a series of things you do, in virtually the same order every night, that helps Santiago know that its time to sleep & helps him transition from day to night. As you do it consistently, you’ll begin to notice Santiago will start to act tired as you go through the steps in your routine (he’ll yawn or quiet down, etc). What’s great is that most of the steps can be repeated no matter where you are (at home or away) to help Santiago transition to sleep even when you’re not home. It lays a foundation for the dream you have of being able to put Santiago to bed at Quinton’s house, for instance. It could include taking a bath, reading some books, singing softly, listening to music, cuddling, even the act of putting on pajamas in a calm & soothing way. Its best to do all or most of it in low lights. This is the best time of the year to start something like this, because its dark outside early enough to accommodate low lighting that helps Santiago’s brain realize that its almost sleep time. It can really help inaugurate a new era in your home in terms of sleep.
One last thought…while Santiago may not be able to verbalize much yet, he understands nearly everything you say. You might try talking to him about your new house, why you decided to move there, and what you want your family life to look like while you live there (including sleep habits or desires). It does help to use smaller words & keep it simple, but he probably gets most of what you say anyway.
I guess to summarize, sometimes you have to take a few steps backward in order to take the steps forward that you want to take personally and as a family. By setting things up in your family life, the other things more easily fall into place. And even though it takes some time to take care of some of the things that make your family run smoothly, like sleep, and you might feel like you’re missing out on things in the meantime (like I did), in the long run, you’re laying the foundation for a lifestyle that works for everyone involved: Santiago, Julissa & you. And I know that you are someone who values everyone’s voice, and believes that every person matters, so I know that you will be able to strike a balance that works for your whole clan. In a sense, your family is a community in and of itself that needs to be thoughtfully fostered.
Well, I didn’t know I was going to write a book…sorry for the lack of brevity. But I hope you can find 1 or 2 helpful things in it.
Love ya,
Kara
Now, as my sister rightly observed when I asked if I could publish her letter, “It’s kind of a tender thing to have your sibling care about what you are going through & then to feel that what you have to say is received and/or useful.” She’s right about that. So, may it be a blessing to you, as I believe we all need big sisters/brothers in our lives now and then.
