Ways of Resistance

fostering conversation, rambling on, occasionally ranting

“pieces of yourself are dying off”

Does it work out in the end to raise children and follow the radical teachings of Jesus? Well, I wrote my sister one day back in November of this last year with a near exhaustion in the back of my throat. My short note to her probably says it all:

So, I got three hours of sleep last night (for Santiago reasons)…I’m not sure I can keep this up!!! Work is really busy too. Any suggestions?

Love ya,

Jason

She can be very encouraging and I knew I would get a response. I didn’t know, however, that she would offer so much insight into her own journey with my niece and brother-in-law or that she would give such detailed and gentle recommendations for our situation. As I’ve thought through both the emotion and advice she gave us, I’ve been thinking that it might encourage others as well. So, if you’re in the same or similar situation (or if you’ve considered starting a family of your own), her words may ring true for you too:

Hi J,

Its rough being at the stage you guys are at…almost a year of no sleep.  It really starts catching up with you and it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and that pieces of yourself are dying off (due to lack of sleep & trying to squeeze everything in that made you who you were before your baby was born as well as everything needed to take care of your baby).

About the only thing that Paul & I found that worked for us, was just to succumb to the tiredness & let that dictate, for awhile, what we chose to do or not do.  It wasn’t easy because we had finally met some good friends in St Paul and we didn’t want to miss out.  But surrender is sometimes a very good thing.  And it doesn’t last forever…the stage that you guys are in with Santiago.  He WILL sleep through the night consistently… eventually.  You’re probably on the verge of that happening, but moving and being sick throws a wrench in that plan.  Just in the same way that it takes us awhile to get used to new things, new routines, new places, etc, it takes babies a while too.  And they often don’t get the luxury of getting accustomed to the idea ahead of time like we adults do.  All that to say, it just may take some time for Santiago to normalize to your new place.  You throw in the flu that you guys all had to endure & not only does that disrupt things for him even more, but it leaves you feeling extra exhausted…you’ve all been experiencing the perfect storm of conditions for no sleep.

My suggestion would be to take the next month before you leave for Peru & take it easy in any arena where you can (you know, outside of work, and taking care of Santiago, yourself & each other…which can be a challenge in & of itself).  If you leave for Peru well rested, it will be a much easier transition for Santiago both going & coming.  Maybe take a day in the next couple of weeks to spend together as a family and do things that all three of you can do.  Remember those blocks you gave us for Isa’s birthday?  We love them, because it gives us something we can all three do when Paul & I are tired and don’t have a lot of energy to give to Isa or “family time” and yet we don’t just want to plop her in front of the TV or send her to her room to play alone.  Maybe there’s something you guys can find to do for an afternoon together that could be relaxing for everyone involved (for instance you could take a walk, cook a meal using food that you all like to foster the sense that each one in the family counts & matters, read some books, dance around the room, or play on the floor).

Another idea you might want to try, if you haven’t already, is to develop a nighttime routine.  Basically, its a series of things you do, in virtually the same order every night, that helps Santiago know that its time to sleep & helps him transition from day to night.  As you do it consistently, you’ll begin to notice Santiago will start to act tired as you go through the steps in your routine (he’ll yawn or quiet down, etc).  What’s great is that most of the steps can be repeated no matter where you are (at home or away) to help Santiago transition to sleep even when you’re not home.  It lays a foundation for the dream you have of being able to put Santiago to bed at Quinton’s house, for instance.  It could include taking a bath, reading some books, singing softly, listening to music, cuddling, even the act of putting on pajamas in a calm & soothing way.  Its best to do all or most of it in low lights.  This is the best time of the year to start something like this, because its dark outside early enough to accommodate low lighting that helps Santiago’s brain realize that its almost sleep time.  It can really help inaugurate a new era in your home in terms of sleep.

One last thought…while Santiago may not be able to verbalize much yet, he understands nearly everything you say.  You might try talking to him about your new house, why you decided to move there, and what you want your family life to look like while you live there (including sleep habits or desires).  It does help to use smaller words & keep it simple, but he probably gets most of what you say anyway.

I guess to summarize, sometimes you have to take a few steps backward in order to take the steps forward that you want to take personally and as a family.  By setting things up in your family life, the other things more easily fall into place.  And even though it takes some time to take care of some of the things that make your family run smoothly, like sleep, and you might feel like you’re missing out on things in the meantime (like I did), in the long run, you’re laying the foundation for a lifestyle that works for everyone involved: Santiago, Julissa & you.  And I know that you are someone who values everyone’s voice, and believes that every person matters, so I know that you will be able to strike a balance that works for your whole clan.  In a sense, your family is a community in and of itself that needs to be thoughtfully fostered.

Well, I didn’t know I was going to write a book…sorry for the lack of brevity.  But I hope you can find 1 or 2 helpful things in it.

Love ya,
Kara

Now, as my sister rightly observed when I asked if I could publish her letter, “It’s kind of a tender thing to have your sibling care about what you are going through & then to feel that what you have to say is received and/or useful.” She’s right about that. So, may it be a blessing to you, as I believe we all need big sisters/brothers in our lives now and then.

Obama disagrees with Jesus…and Gandhi…and King

I listened to Obama’s recent acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize. It was eloquent, as usual. He, in fact, performed some fine rhetorical gymnastics as he contradicted himself on at least one very important point. Brian McLaren unpacks it for us:

Two paragraphs in the president’s speech struck me in particular. After acknowledging with humility the complex circumstances around his being named the Nobel Peace Prize recipient, he said he was:

mindful of what Martin Luther King said in this same ceremony years ago — “Violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones.” As someone who stands here as a direct consequence of Dr. King’s life’s work, I am living testimony to the moral force of nonviolence. I know there is nothing weak — nothing passive, nothing naïve — in the creed and lives of Gandhi and King. But as a head of state sworn to protect and defend my nation, I cannot be guided by their examples alone. I face the world as it is, and cannot stand idle in the face of threats to the American people. For make no mistake: evil does exist in the world. A nonviolent movement could not have halted Hitler’s armies. Negotiations cannot convince al Qaeda’s leaders to lay down their arms. To say that force is sometimes necessary is not a call to cynicism — it is a recognition of history; the imperfections of man and the limits of reason.

The unresolved irony of those two paragraphs wrestles under their composed and muscular syntax. On the one hand, “there is nothing naïve in the creed and lives of Gandhi and King.” On the other hand, “I face the world as it is … evil does exist in the world.” It’s hard to read the latter in any other way than denying the former: King and Gandhi were naïve, underestimating the reality of evil in the world.

That’s a difficult point to deny, right? Wrong. A commenter takes McLaren to task on it:

Man, this whole argument of McLaren’s rests on the assumption Obama was calling Luther King “naive”. He wasn’t. He was saying it was naive to believe that nonviolence would always work as a solution to radical evil. Um, he mentioned Hitler, didn’t he? You missed that. How would nonviolence have stopped the rampaging Hutus in Rwanda? It is just self-serving one’s own ideology to think Obama was making an either/or statement.

So, against my better judgment (they can get a little feisty), I weighed in:

I think I remember reading a story in Claiborne and Haw’s book (Jesus for President) about a Rwandan man whose family was murdered and, essentially, became a target himself as he began to directly forgive his enemies. His example, of self-sacrificial enemy-love, is far more powerful and intelligent than any “smart bomb.” Of course, one only has to read the Gospels and learn the stories of early Christians to understand how this works. I suspect there are some situations where Christians cannot do anything to stop “radical evil,” that is, aside from giving one’s own life. But shouldn’t that be the call of those who follow a resurrected man?

Now, mind you, I have no personal experience with that kind of stuff. In fact, I doubt I am strong enough to die for most folks, much less my enemies. I just can’t seem to justify a behavior that Christ and early Christians so readily condemned (both in behavior and teaching), simply because I suck.

Anyone want to take me to task?

The Jesus Center Garden and Other News

I’m back in Lima. We’re visiting my in-laws for Christmas. Getting here was a disappointing process to say the least (complete with a travel agency ponzi scheme), but we are here now and feel deeply grateful to God and everyone else who prayed for us.

On the Ground: SNL Insults Hipsters Everywhere

  1. I wrote a little commentary about an SNL digital short on Jesus Manifesto. I started thinking about the short a tad more seriously when my always clever and sarcastic friend Quinton told me, after I showed him the video, that he thought those wily folks in New York had done a fantastic parody of me. So I wrote it up. The article opens with a question that one of my very hip baby-boomer friends put to me after watching it. The article has got a few comments; they’re pretty funny, worth reading, I think.

The Jesus Center Community Garden or The Community Garden at 14th & Mulberry…which ever you prefer…actually, which do you prefer? It would be nice to know…

  1. Read the Chico News & Review write up about the garden here. Sena Christian did an excellent job at capturing an important aspect of the story, having to do with what inspired both Stephanie and I to get our hands dirty with gardening. Hopefully, it inspires other kinds of gifts to the community. The GRUB Cooperative wrote up a story for the garden as well. They were the primary instigators and talent in moving this garden from idea to fruition.
  2. Pictures I took:

img_1136.JPG

img_1128.JPG

img_1129.JPG

img_1121.JPG

I’ve come across something inspiring…

Occasionally, I feel greatly inspired. Perhaps it doesn’t take much, but I appreciate it when it happens. The idea was to spend the day mostly “taking it easy” with my family and some church friends. Julissa and I had a super long, but amazing day yesterday with a newish group of lively rabble rousers for our Saturday “Coffee & Theology” gathering and then spent the rest of the day with the Price family walking at the park, taking pictures, cooking Lomo Saltado (and, later, creme brulee, thanks to Joshua!). So, today was meant to be restful. And it was. But it was also inspiring.

I had some beautiful conversations with friends about life and pain and friendship and trust. I may have convinced the church I go to to stop using styrofoam cups for coffee, in favor of the hospitality volunteers washing some thrift store mugs I promised to provide for our coffee drinking pleasures. Julissa and I had a great time earlier in the afternoon playing with our son, Santiago, who has totally gotten away with my thinking/feeling/love/heart.

Finally (and I could say more, including a short bit about how awesome it was to hear some old Kevin Prosch played for worship this morning), Julissa and I watched a film short by some of the folks who participate in the 24-7 prayer movement (think UK/Pete Greig/ Boiler Roomsnot IHOP/Kansas City/Mike Bickle) in Germany. Anywho…it documents a few community rhythms that I am more and more fascinated with: hourly prayer, co-housing, and service. It’s inspiring to think of other folks doing things that I am only starting with and hoping to engage. It’s (en)couraging because I need examples of life-giving community to strengthen my faith (not just for me, but also for our family). It’s beautiful because I could see the gleam in Julissa’s eye as she saw how the rhythm was worked out with so many different family types and singles.

I hope/pray our household/family dreams becomes a true incarnation of Christ’s love for the Chapman/Mulberry neighborhood. It’s inspiring, you see. More to come on that later…

All in all, I’m feeling pretty good…weird, huh?

Coffee & Theology

Hello all,

I’m having people over on Sat. 11/21 at 9am for coffee and conversation/theology (14th & Mulberry, Chico, Ca). We’ve done this before, with a small (mostly Paradisian) group of friends who are interested in this sort of thing. Depending on how many people make it, we might spend some time outside around the garden or with kids playing etc. Feel free to join us.

Cheers,

Jason

I’m Blaming Technology

Paul Munn says in his post “technology and the collective”:

…our mechanized and technologically-driven society tends to dehumanize us and detach us from the natural way of life God created us for. And much of our technological equipment even seems to push us further from each other and from God. But I’ve heard many people blame this on technology itself, as if it is somehow inherently evil, and I don’t agree with that. I think the problem is deeper.

I’ve written much about the idolatry of the social collective, how we organize and institutionalize gathered human beings to form “We, the People,” a power much greater than any one person, a terrible substitute for the Body of Christ. I think our technology, as it has developed, has become a clear reflection of the evils of the social collective. No advanced technology can develop apart from this organization of people, and it necessarily reflects the values of the group. Technological developments have to be funded and so are driven by money and the purposes of the group, because what serves them well is what sells. Technology doesn’t drive itself, though it seems to (yes, I’ve read Ellul’s book). And it doesn’t drive people. People are driven by the power of the collective, driven to develop technology in a certain direction and driven to use it and serve it—or be cut off from the group, the source of life.

I think technology (broadly defined) and the power of “We, the people” are almost the same idea (which is to say that both technology and “We, the people” are ideas). Wendell Berry, a good Luddite, demonstrated how his refusal of a certain technology (a computer) amounted to a great social rejection/offense/marginalization, even among otherwise sympathetic environmentalists. Foucault utilized the term “technologies of the self” to describe this similarity. Wikipedia explains the interaction or overlap like this:

According to Foucault, technologies of the self are the forms of knowledge and strategies that “permit individuals to effect by their own means or with the help of others a certain number of operations on their own bodies and souls, thoughts, conduct, and way of being, so as to transform themselves in order to attain a certain state of happiness, purity, wisdom, perfection, or immortality”…

Foucault argued that technologies of the self must be understood as inextricably linked to his notion of governmentality: the guiding rationalities whereby individuals and social structures regulate and police norms of thought and behavior. Burchell states, “government, is a ‘contact point’ where techniques of domination and technologies of the self ‘interact’. According to Foucault, this “contact point” is where “technologies of domination of individuals over one another have recourse to processes by which the individual acts upon himself and, conversely,…where techniques of the self are integrated into structures of coercion.”

Anyway, I’m not sure I necessarily disagree with Paul’s clarification about technology (not inherently evil), however, its connection and perhaps even similarity to the collective seems to merit more than just a toss-out neutrality.

Compost Anyone?

Hello,

I suppose every garden has a story. Maybe it’s about weeds and keeping every pathway neat. Maybe it’s about fresh produce and eating right off the vine. Maybe it’s about learning to recognize life and watching things grow. No matter the particular language, every garden seems to give its people meaning: family, community, hope for things not seen. The newly planted Jesus Center Community Garden at 14th & Mulberry tells us a unique story as well. It is one of many hands, most not knowing what the other was doing, putting together a beautiful plan to create the roots of food on an unused lot near the Jesus Center.

The idea came about after David Kim (the owner of the property) got in contact with Stephanie Williams (from GRUB), who had already been plotting a similar type of plan. And a seemingly random guy (that’s me…Jason Winton) jumped on board and decided to rent the place, coordinating the site. It’s enough to say all of us had been thinking the same thing: give volunteers the opportunity to work together, alongside the very folks who need fresh produce, to create a garden that would provide healthy food for the Jesus Center Food Pantry. Everyone involved would get to experience “giving back.” And it would constantly remind us of the meaning we started with, this garden’s beautiful story.

Our next workday (the last one for the initial set-up) will be Sunday November 8th from 2-5pm (14th & Mulberry, Chico, Ca). We still need compost donations in order to fill in all the beds (10 yards would do it!). Please contact either Stephanie Williams (530-354-1646), Jason Winton (530-592-6589), or Debra Howell (530-345-2640) for more information.

Plotting Goodness,

Jason Winton

A Poem For Mother Teresa

Our Dark Mother (“To be at His disposal”)

“Let Him do with me whatever He wants
as He wants for as long as He wants.
If darkness is light to some soul—even
if it be nothing to nobody—I am
perfectly happy—to be God’s
flower of the field.”

You mean it, Mother?
Suffering, surrendered like a
petal dropped and wasted. No matter
how thinly you felt His Absence
or how callousedly your heart beat?

Did your watery eyes even pinken,
with signs of hope drooling away?
Or sometimes did you say, “I have to
refuse what He desires to take,”
perhaps at night or in your mourning?

Is it true you longed to love Him,
Dark Mother, His Hiddeness—His
dark Passion too? Your Poverty
on the Cross with His, a Victim
for us and, you, a victim for Him.

“I can’t express in words—the gratitude
I owe you for your kindness to me.—For
the first time in this 11 years—I have
come to love the darkness.—For I believe
now that it is a part, a very, very small
part of Jesus’ darkness & pain on earth…
More than ever I surrender myself to Him—
Yes—more than ever I will be at His disposal.”

We got a place!

395-e-14th-after.jpg

garden-workday3.jpg

Homelessness and You

Editor’s note: Jessica DePriest is a friend who, as you will tell, has a passion to communicate. In this challenging and personal missive she invites each of us to truly know our neighbors–no matter where they live or sleep. Read and let her know what you think.

It seems an epidemic is rising and not just here in Chico. There is an overwhelming growth of homeless people than ever before. Some of you may not even care that there are families out on the street, or that there are struggling drug addicts. I say to look at it in a completely different view.

Homelessness is a growing problem for many United States cities. It is starting to become a more and more widespread problem due to our ever not recovering economic situation. There is a dwindling amount of jobs and opportunity in the work force.

The homeless situation is a sad one. Most people just look away and have nothing to say because it is more of a gesture that if people don’t or choose not to see it. It is not happening. Well folks and readers it is. Going once every few months or even monthly to a Jesus Center or a Soup Kitchen is not enough. These people need more than just average or punitive attempts to make you feel better. Most need clothes or shoes. Some just need someone to talk to and have someone listen instead of trying to talk to Joe or Bob that has heard it all and seen it all being one of those loveable tramps we all know and see.

In Sacramento there is an overwhelming growth in the homeless community. They have about 2500 homeless and down on their luck men women and children. The even sadder thing is that there is only accommodation for about 1200 people and that is only more so in the winter time. There’s absolutely nothing more shameful than when you have to ask for someone for a few bucks or whatever they will give you. It is sad to hear some of the things that passerby’s will say or do to you just because you do not have what they do.

Personally to me the over egotistical college kid that brings money into Chico is half the time or more responsible for the vandalism, DUI’s, Assault and Battery that happens in this town but is so eagerly overlooked for the sole purpose that they bring in money.

There is too much that the college kids get away with and it is a shame. Now do not get me wrong I have seen my own fair share of what the homeless community has done but it is not all of the community that even does stupid antics. On another note it is also a saddening thought that even in the most powerful and socially booming country that we even have to call the homeless a community.

Also, In the close of this rant and rave. Please make an effort to go out and do more for the community as a whole not just the areas that you are comfortable in. There is so much that you can do for your country and your community. I say to you No, I challenge you to stand up and make an effort for the good and not for the comfort ability that is so near to you and yours.

Jessica DePriest