Ways of Resistance

To read “Abstinence from What? (Part 1)” click here

(10/24/07) This week has been good in the sense that I found myself making a very conscious choice not to watch TV (something necessary for abstinence, right?). I felt some pull to “zone out” a couple of times throughout the week, but overall was really happy that I spent the time the way I did–without television. I decided to ask my dad if he knew that I was doing this experiment (so that he would understand when I stepped out of the “TV” room). I’m pretty sure I’ve already told him, but sometimes he forgets. He didn’t remember me telling him about it but did say he liked the idea and thought is sounded like an interesting experiment. From his perspective, watching TV can actually be boring. He prefers to watch movies instead. On the other hand, he said that he likes to “veg” in front of the TV and that reading (or something more social) often seems like work to him. Bottom line, I guess I can relate with his own assessment–and even his contradictions. What would we do with ourselves to relax if we didn’t sit and stare at other people’s lives on the SCREEN?

The other aspect of my week has been turning down invitations to watch movies. I have some good friends who don’t spend all that much time in front of the SCREEN, but wanted to go see a movie at the Pageant theater. I was really thrown off by that because I had prepared an answer to the “usual suspects” who might have invited Julissa and I to watch a movie, but not to these minimal TV/movie watchers. So when they asked–Julissa actually answered the phone–and when Julissa said “no,” explaining about my experiment, I started feeling disappointed. I wanted to go with them, yet I also wanted to be true to my commitment to not watch movies. I found myself thinking about different ways to rationalize this one movie, but in the end I couldn’t do it. And, to top it all off, Julissa is going to a movie with some friends tonight and won’t be home until after I’m already in bed. I’ll be doing my homework and trying to relax–if that’s possible without high-tech entertainment?

(10/31/07) This week has been a bit crazy. I haven’t got much sleep and my homework seems never-ending. This is also the week that I now affectionately call “the slip.” Last Friday I spent the morning procrastinating with my homework and watching (I know, I know) short videos on Youtube. Like I’ve said before, this feels more like a grey area when it comes to actual “abstinence.” In fact, it didn’t even occur to me that I was breaking my abstinence until later on that evening.

Just for fun, that night we went to have dinner with some new friends at their house outside of Marysville. For the most part it was an enjoyable evening of telling getting-to-know-you-stories and sharing our tastes in music via mp3s. At some point, however, sharing music with each other led into tales about going to concerts, which led into watching a concert DVD of one of their favorite bands! We had already told them that I was doing a class project to not watch TV or movies, but they were soooooo excited to show us and I didn’t want to appear like a prude. So I said, “Yeah, let’s watch it. It’s alright. I’ll just call it a slip!” They laughed and then added to my arsenal of rationalizations, “Well, you know, it’s not exactly a movie. It’s really a documentary.” I thought to myself about that and it sounded like the same thing. We watched it, anyway.

Afterward, I thought back to that morning when I had watched Youtube instead of doing homework. Somehow I had thought of that situation as different, but now I think it may have been a beginning or a way to make my so-called abstinence more and more obsolete. Having watched the movie that evening and watched Youtube all that morning, I can see more clearly that there is a central (or peripheral) part of me that still very much wants to watch TV on my own terms. The problem is, “my own terms” keeps shifting and I keep wondering when or if I will be able to trust this debate going on inside of me. Nevertheless, it seems that my ability to rationalize and make-believe has definitely ripened and matured this week! What a funny sort-of-reality!